Day 165…

8.30.12

Starting another beautiful morning off with a walk with the pup and a cup of coffee in hand.  Thus far, we have really managed to get the most amazing and cooperative weather, so I’m going to do my best to make the most of it.  Having breakfast, doing some reading and getting myself together for the day – which I’m very much looking forward to.

Today I’m off to hang with Alex and Jen at his parents place (about 10min from my parents).  Very excited to see them as I haven’t seen them since earlier on in my chemo treatment and we’ve managed to both be on vacation this week so we are going to try to see one another a handful of times if possible (as they live in MD)…to their place I go…such a gorgeous house and everyone is outside and swimming.  Alex has two kids, his sister has two kids, so it’s a full house, but they are all great kids and really it is just wonderful to be with great people today…

Hanging, swimming, relaxing and catching up.  All long lost arts of the summer for me, so I’m a happy camper.  Sitting down to an amazing lunch and then back to the pool and hanging we go…afternoon is beginning to wane so I’m heading home to shower up, see what my family is up to and figure out where we are off to dinner…

Side note/update on Riley: She’s doing better each day.  All of the meds that she is taking seem to be working and she is more and more like her crazy self as the days go on.  This is honestly the best news of the week thus far.  I’m hoping that by the time I get my scan results she is better and we can collectively put our health hardships behind us.

We are going to go to Savannah’s tonight – a place that we tried to go to twice this summer, but never got their hours of operation right, so tonight we are going to make it work.  Really fun dinner, with good food and great conversation…heading home, everyone is really tired from the day so off to bed everyone goes…

Night all…

Day 164…

8.29.12

This morning kicks off a long awaited, and I feel a very hard earned few days off from work and life.  Starting the morning off like most others – taking the pup out for a walk in the yard.  She seems to be more herself – tail up, jumping around and even running a bit.  All of which makes me a happy owner…

Coffee, a smoothie and some quiet time take up my morning.  My Mom and Mary are heading to Montauk today, so I think my plan is to go and hit golf balls and then lay in the pool and just relax and start to unwind…Managed to convince my Dad to come to the range with me.  Although he isn’t going to hit balls, it’s fun to have him out there anyway.  And the added bonus is that Riley came along and was SO HAPPY to be outside and sniffing around…heading back to the house with a detour (I’ll admit, I tried a backroad and made a wrong turn, but it ended up a silver lining) to Sag Harbor to Espresso to grab lunch.  I could eat here everyday…

Back home, eating and getting ready for some pool time.  There literally isn’t a cloud in the sky today and it is about 80 degrees – so really, it’s perfect out…Laying on the raft in the pool without a single thought in my head.  This is exactly what I think I need to start doing.  Spend some alone time each day and just begin to clear my mind…the day is suddenly late afternoon, so I’m going to hit the shower and then begin to get dinner ready…

Tonight we are having grilled swordfish, tomato and peach salad, arugula and pine nuts with gorgonzola (I may combine the salads) and onion rings…yep, that dinner was awesome…cleaning up, taking Riley out one last time and then I’m going to head up to my room and watch a really stupid movie that I haven’t seen in a while – Talladega Nights…

Time for bed…night all

Day 163…

8.28.12

Up quite early this morning for an 8am client call and then it is off to the office for the rest of the work day.  Tired, but again, happy to keep reminding myself that I should begin to feel better each and everyday.  Making sure that I have all my stuff with me as I’m leaving straight from work today to head to LI for some much needed R&R.  I’m really looking forward to getting some rest and to honestly “just be”.  Each day I’m trying to take some steps to begin to clear my mind of the last 6+ months…

Very little traffic this morning and with my standard coffee in hand, I’m at my desk and attacking the day…just like yesterday, today is going to be a very busy day.  We are still in the throws of trying to get out a few big projects which are due within the next few weeks so things are moving at a fast pace here.  The good is that I’m loving where the work is and how it looks.  Stuff to be proud once the finished products are produced…

Having some lunch while we work through the finishing touches of a presentation and then off to present we go…good presentation, some things to do coming out of it, but again, happy with things…

Getting an update from my parents on my pup – she is still a bit lethargic, but all signs right now point towards her reacting well to the new meds. I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE HER TONIGHT…so excited to see her and I hope that she is more like her normal self by the time I get there.  The only thing I worry about is if she’ll be totally knocked out by the meds when I get there…time will tell…

Finishing up at work and hopping in the car for the drive out.  I haven’t had a long drive alone since all this started, so in many respects I’m looking forward to the time alone…traffic getting out of the city surprisingly isn’t bad (for 530 in the afternoon) and I’m making good time through the normal airport and US Open traffic…well, spoke too soon…no joke, I literally have my car in park and have been sitting for a solid 10min.  There has to be some really bad accident ahead as every lane of east bound traffic on the LIE is like a parking lot…very sad, there is a van that went head-on into the HOV wall and has all of its windows blown out and airbags deployed and then 3 lanes from the HOV is another van on its hood with the same damage.  5 ambulances, 8 police cars and two fire trucks.  Makes you count your lucky stars…

Rest of the ride was very smooth and thankfully without incident and I’m meeting my parents and their friend Mary for dinner at Bobby Van’s in Bridge.  Crowded, but full of energy.  I like the vibe and am excited to sit down to eat…we finally start eating at 930, but it is good for me…great dinner and now we head home so I can finally see my pup…she was SOOO HAPPY to see me, tail wagging, just like she acts when she feels well…hanging with her, getting tired…

Night all…

Day 162…

8.27.12

Monday = back to the grind of life and today has all the looks of being a really busy day as I look at my calendar before getting out of bed.  Time to attack the day and get as much done as possible.  I know that I’m still in cycle of the past 6 months where this is my “good week”, but at the same time, I’m trying to get my mind in a place that tells me that I’m better.  Call it the power of positive thinking.  I will get a clean scan.  I will live a long and healthy life.  I will truly look back at this as a life hiccup…to work I go!

Yep, just like I thought, very busy right off the bat.  Meetings, emails, presentations and calls.  Essentially whatever you can think of in terms of communicating, we are doing it in the first half of the day….finding a few min to order lunch and then back to the grind we go…

Spoke to my nurse to see if I need to stay on any meds past the end of this week.  She checked with my doc and he feels that I need to stay on them for about an additional two weeks ie a month past my last chemo to ensure that my body properly recovers (white blood cells, overall immune system, etc.).  All that said, she is refilling a script for me to get after work today…

Eating lunch and the day is flying by…only issue is that I’m crashing HARD right now – need to get some coffee to get an energy boost…trying to get a few things out the door before a late afternoon meeting…got it all mostly covered off and to the meeting we go…meeting ran 45min longer than anticipated, but we got a lot accomplished and that should benefit us long-term…finishing up a couple things here and then heading home…

Blitz is heading over to chill for a bit…running to get my meds and take a quick walk to get some air…ordering dinner and watching some TV…getting tired again so saying goodbye to Blitz and to bed I go…

Night all…

 

Day 161…

8.26.12

Waking up to a gorgeous morning after a not-so-great-night of sleep.  I woke up a ton  through the night from both being hot (for some reason the AC didn’t seem to be kicking in) and from Riley having a very restless night of sleep as she still is not feeling well at all.  So it is…time to have some coffee and see what the morning will bring…

We are all hanging around the pool waiting for my parents to get to the house (they had a wedding in the middle of LI last night so they stayed there and were driving out in the morning) so we can all have a late breakfast together…and here are my parents with bagels in hand!…having a very good breakfast (bagels, eggs, fruit, etc.) and planning out the day…there are some things that we have to take care of around the house and we are all starting to think that Riley is really struggling and may need to go back to the vet – time will tell…

Rene and I are going to hit some golf balls at the driving range while Jordan and Natalie go to the beach…hit the ball really well today, gives me hope/confidence that my golf game is starting to make the turn towards the better (makes sense, I’m playing more often so the muscle memory is there)…I’m also really happy that my body seems to be responding well to the run from yesterday and that I have the energy to go and hit balls…heading back home to shower up, eat and head back to NYC…

Getting ready to leave and as we are saying goodbye to my parents and Riley we see that she is bleeding below her chin/mouth from scratching herself so hard.  It looks really bad and looks like it is infected…calling the vet….pushed to the emergency number…getting directions to take her…this is just not good/fun…

My parents are going to take her since they are staying in LI and they will be with Riley until I go back to LI mid-week….this all makes for me having a whole new level of stress as I’m really worried about my pup…

Drive back is going well, there is traffic but we are having fun playing stupid car games…getting continual updates from my parents on Riley’s hospital visit – she has an infection below her mouth (they had to shave her chin to get to it) and her right front paw is still infected…more meds and cream for her and the dreaded cone of shame…what a rough week for the pup…the vet tried to assure my parents and I that this isn’t uncommon for her breed as they get close to turning 2, so I’m hoping that this is a little phase that is cleared up by meds…

Trying to take my mind off my pup and climbing into bed to watch Newsroom and then get some hopeful and much needed rest…

Night all…

Day 160…

8.25.12

Hello Saturday!  So nice to see you this week.  Thanks for giving us amazing weather to wake up to!  Got a decent night sleep, so I’m feeling somewhat refreshed and ready to see what the day has up its sleeve for me…having some coffee and hanging with Riley, who still is not doing so well.  She’s not really eating or drinking much and is just miserable that she has the cone and that her skin is itchy.  Poor thing…

Getting ready to go for a run with Rene.  Really excited to get out there and see how I do and resume my “Life Runs” with Rene and eventually Andre when the three of us are back in the same place again…great run!  Got in 4 solid miles on hilly terrain and didn’t stop once.  Granted I wasn’t running nearly as quick as my normal pace, but it has been a few weeks since I ran and I have to remind myself that I had chemo on Monday so the expectations really shouldn’t be too high…overall, very happy and soon enough I’ll be back to normal and can be at a longer mile base and faster pace…

Showering up and getting ready to go grab lunch in Sag Harbor with Rene, Jordan and her friend Natalie…oh Espresso, how you are my favorite sandwich place ever :) Taking a walk through town and then we are going to quickly stop home to let Riley out before heading to play mini golf…

Ugg, Riley had quite the accident in the house while we were at lunch.  The meds she is on are clearly messing with her stomach.  I’ll spare you all the details, but lets just say it isn’t a pretty scene…pup is sad, and we all feel bad for her…I’m calling her doc to see what he thinks (should she finish out the meds? Should she take a break from them?)  Will have to see what he says when he calls back…

To mini golf we go…My and Jordan’s friend John from HS is going to meet us at the “course” to join in the fun…so good to catch up with him and always good to add another fun personality to the group that we have assembled thus far for the weekend…put in a good round and Natalie and I win by average over John, Jordan and Rene…splitting up the group so that Rene and I can grab groceries and Jordan and Natalie can go check on Riley (vet called and he recommend that she finish out the meds and see how she does – problem is that she just won’t eat or drink and she is supposed to take one of the meds with food)…

Back at the house and making dinner…tonight we will be making bacon blue cheese stuffed burgers, guacamole and bbq zuccini and peppers…this has all the makings of a great meal…and yep, it was!

Hanging around the house, and we are all getting tired…

Seems like everyone feel asleep on the couch so we are all heading to bed…

Night all…

Day 159…

8.24.12

Goooood morning Friday!  We have made it to the end of the week and I’m so happy to head towards the weekend and start to feel better.  Unfortunately, my pup on the other hand is 100% an unhappy camper.  She took care of me when I was down, so now it is time to reciprocate and take care of her.  Taking her for a quick walk, showering and heading into work…wow, are you serious? A shooting at the Empire State Building!?!?! What is wrong with people????  So sad.  I just can’t understand or come to terms with why a person thinks it is ok to open fire on large crowds of people, let alone on a single person.  Very sad.  Hoping everyone is ok…

There are a few very pressing things that we have to take care of this morning before the majority of my group heads to a meeting.  Working through breakfast and making sure everything is properly aligned for the rest of the day before the group disperses…

Running out to grab a sandwich and take a walk around the block as the weather is just beautiful out.  It’s that perfect summer temperature that isn’t too warm, isn’t too humid.  It’s just right.  Just how a Friday should be…

Carlos has been giving me updates on Riley.  She seems to be ok, but clearly is depressed to have her paw bothering her along with the cone of shame and her meds.  The good news is that she should be better within a few days and we can put it all behind us…

Working through a few more things in the office before a 330 call and then hoping to finish things off before heading home…productive call – getting towards the end of a very long and detailed web build.  Excited to launch the final product in a few weeks…

Heading home to relax, pack up for the weekend and wait for Jordan and Rene to head over so we can drive out to LI…everyone is here, so off we go…lots of traffic in the city, but the LIE seems to be moving really well…picking up dinner at a local spot …car smells sooooo goood…and it was worth it…great dinner…

Hanging at the house…catching up, telling stories, laughing, etc…everyone is getting tired so to bed we all go…gotta get some rest for a run tomorrow…

Night all…

Day 158…

8.23.12

Today I wake up with the mindset that this is the day that I begin to turn the corner towards recovery as my recovery cycle tends to start when I get back to work.  Up, walking the pup and getting ready for work…thankfully my car was finally repaired from the damage the people in the garage caused and it is back in time for me to hop in the car and head to the office…incredibly light traffic and to grab a coffee I go…

Oooops, I spoiled a surprise that my co-workers apparently had up their sleeves.  They all know my routine of getting a coffee at Crumbs in the morning on my way in.  So today, no different than any of my other days, I head to Crumbs.  While standing on line I see two co-workers at the front ordering a whole slew of coffee.  Our eyes meet and they tell me to “get off the line! you ruined it!”.  They wanted to surprise me with coffee and bagels.  Honestly, I have the best co-workers around.  I could not have been more fortunate to land a job here last year…

It is a very busy day and atmosphere here…lots of work, lots of running around and there is a palatable buzz in the air.  This whole entire office has a ton of energy today and I love it.  Really makes me feel like I’m making my way back into things…

Having a working lunch while listening in on a call…have to get some things together before a client call this afternoon…it’s fun to be thrown back into the mix…

Yesterday I mentioned that Riley didn’t seem herself and today is no different.  I asked Carlos (my dog walker) to keep an eye on her today because she seems down and her paw really seems to be bothering her…he just called to say that she is very uncomfortable and that she probably has to have it wrapped to keep her from gnawing on it and making it worse…this has me worried about her because she is always full of energy and happiness…will have to see how she is when I get home…

Finishing things up at work and getting ready to head out…again, zero traffic which is fantastic…Riley is 100% moping around and limping with the wrap on her foot…I’m going to see how she is for the next hour or two and then figure out what the next move is…grabbing some groceries and getting her a new toy to see if it perks her up – nope, she isn’t even interested in that…

Jess came over for dinner and we are catching up…always good to see her…I took the wrap off Riley’s leg and she is just in bad shape – I think her paw is infected…gave Carlos a call and he is going to take her to the emergency animal hospital (wish I could take her, but I still have to be cautious about germs)…now I have to wait and see what the doc says — this sucks…

Carlos and Riley have returned.  She has an infection of some sort on her paw and got a handful of different meds to take over the next couple weeks.  The really rough part is that she has to wear the cone of shame or else she will keep going after her paw.  Poor thing :(

Going to head to bed.  Riley is sadly confined to her doggy bed because she can’t be on my bed with the cone incase she tries to jump off because she would likely hurt herself…fingers crossed that she is better tomorrow…

Night all..

Day 157…

8.22.12

Good morning all.  After another somewhat restless night, I’m up far earlier than I’d like to be, but accepting it and starting my day.  Going to take the pup for a walk and see what the day brings in terms of fatigue, nausea and my ability to focus on work while at home…

Making some breakfast and noticing that Riley isn’t her normal self.  She is moping around the apartment and I’m pretty sure that it is because of the anti-histamine that she has been taking at night that makes her drowsy, but I also now think it makes her  depressed….I’m going to keep a close eye on her today because I need her happy and healthy or else I won’t be – remember, she’s the ET to my Elliot…

Going through work emails and talking to some colleagues about some things that are happening in the office.  My goal today is to not have to take marinol so that I can ensure that I’m able to be focused on work as needed…so far, so good…

Showering, eating lunch and getting a bit stir crazy – I think that I need to get some air…I’m going to head to central park for a quick walk…wow, it is gorgeous outside and the temperature is very comfortable…somehow I ended up in sheep’s meadow and just sat there for about 20min, laid down and sort of just sat in peace trying to clear my mind and come to terms with what I just went through…pretty sure that this will be a long process, but good to get a start on it…I’ve been getting a lot of the same question from friends and family since Monday “how do you feel now that it’s over?” and it’s tough to put into words, but I’m also not letting myself accept the finality of things because I still need to get past the PET scan.  My hope and guess is that once I clear that last hurdle that I will then be able to decompress, that I will be able to rationalize all that I went through, etc.  But until 9/10/12, I do not think that I will be able to truly do so…

Back at home, continuing to go through emails and such…starting to get a bit on the tired side so I’m thinking that I should lay on the couch for a bit…Riley has joined me and we are just hanging and relaxing…

My long lost friend from college, Chris is stopping by for dinner along with my friend Jared, so I’m really looking forward to catching up with them both as well as looking forward to watching worlds collide of friends from different walks of life (not to mention Yankee and Red Sox fans)…very good times all around…so happy to see them both…

Taking Riley on her last walk and waiting for the POTUS to drive through as they have closed my street to all traffic so he can head back to the airport…there are TONS of cops outside my building, but Riley and I really aren’t that interested in waiting for him to show up when we have no idea when that could actually be…If he wanted to stop and say hello, then we’d definitely wait :)

To bed I go…need to be at work tomorrow and need to try to get a good night sleep…

Night all…

Day 156…

8.21.12

Well here we are, the morning after my last round of chemo and I am utterly exhausted.  I slept terribly last night.  Was up from 1am-330am.  Not sure if that was based on the relief that the chemo was over, if it was now the new manifestation that I have to wait 3 more weeks to get an “all-clear” from the doctor from my upcoming PET scan, or just a function of the chemo sending me a message that although we are done with each other, there was just a bit more suffering that I need to go through.  Whatever the answer is, I’m exhausted this morning, but buoyed by the fact that as of now, I don’t have to go back and get any more chemo…

My Mom is making some coffee and I’m going to force myself into eating some breakfast even though my taste buds are still shot from the chemo…going through some emails and then spending some considerable time putting my thoughts together around my post (day 155) as it has great meaning and significance to me…wow, that took longer than I was expecting it would to write and it took a lot out of me.  There are so many different emotions that I have running through my mind and body around the milestone of the chemo being over, but I still can’t wrap my head around them yet.  I continue to remind myself that this is just a step, albeit a very large one, in the process of moving towards living a healthy, and long lasting life – but there are still steps to take and miles to go on this journey…

Going to hop in the shower, cut my hair and start the day fresh.  Today is my pseudo-nephew’s bday, so I’m going to have a quick lunch with him, his Mom and my Mom (he is only 2years old) and then back to the house to rest.  I certainly enjoy the fresh air, but the fatigue is definitely setting in…relaxing back at the apartment, talking to my Mom before she leaves and then going to try to get into some more work emails…

Think I need to take a marinol as the nausea is coming on and the bad taste in my mouth isn’t helping matters…marniol is working, but of course that comes with the trade-off of feeling pretty out of it…so it is…

Getting some rest on the couch and then Blitz is coming over for dinner…good times as always with Blitz…we had a good dinner of ravioli and broccoli and now am really fighting the sleep…off Blitz goes and off to bed I go…

Long, emotional day coming to a close…here’s to the hope of a good night sleep…

Night all..