Day 102…

6.28.12

It’s the morning and it isn’t the best one for me as I’m still struggling to get any semblance of sleep.  I think it has gotten to the point that I need to talk to my doc and see what they say in terms of any sleep aid options that I’m currently not taking.  All that said, I’m still going to make my way to the office and see how I manage because sitting in my apartment is taking its toll on me as well…

Traffic was fine and like I say after every treatment, it is good to see friendly co-worker faces.  Going through emails and trying to get settled.  No lies, I’m still in a malaise of sorts, but being at work is good for me mentally.  Hungry, waiting on lunch, ordered a chicken sandwich…ugh, unfortunately they made the sandwich with lots of veggies that I can’t eat as I wasn’t the one to wash them….waiting…waiting…waiting…can’t wait any longer for the proper sandwich to be delivered so I’m going to just run out and get something as it is practically 2pm and I’m now starving…eating lunch, and I’m starting to drag…

Close to 5pm and I’m about at my max in terms of concentration so I’m going to head home and try to take a walk to get some air and clear my head…managed to walk for about 45min in the awful heat with my friend from TNT who I’ve gone on some walks with and who is a great resource for me to bounce what’s going on in my mind off of…

Jordan is coming over for dinner…love my brother/sister dinners, cause well, she’s my sis and she’s awesome…forgot to mention that I did talk to my doc about an added sleep aid and they are having me try ambient tonight…I’m very hesitant to try it because sleeping pills somewhat scare me, but at this point, I just need some sleep…we agreed that I’d try half a dose and see how it goes…here we go…

Night all…

 

Day 101…

6.27.12

Well, we’ve made it to Wednesday so I guess it is time to see what the day has in store for me.  I slept a bit better, but not great.  Having a tougher time getting any semblance of consistent, as well as consecutive hours of sleep so it is certainly weighing on me.  I’m less nauseous this morning, but again, it is the fatigue that is becoming more and more of a beast…

One of my oldest and dearest friends, Laurel, brought over breakfast this morning to lift my spirits.  It is honestly so great to see her as we had somehow lost touch for a bit, but found one another again, and it is as if we never missed a beat…catching up and having bagels…the morning flew by and she has to go pick up her oldest at day camp so I offered to come along for the ride uptown so I could get some fresh air as I was starting to feel cramped in my apartment…walking with Laurel and her daughter (who is a mini version of Laurel and hilarious – great kid) and it does feel good to be outside…they have things to do (eat lunch and take naps), so I’m going to walk for a bit and try to get my feet back under me and clear my head a bit…

Back home – was a long walk, and eating lunch which unfortunately has no taste (the dreaded ‘there goes your taste buds’ has returned)…I’m really tired, but checking work emails and trying to respond to things…forcing myself to stay awake as I know if I fall asleep, even for 20min, I won’t sleep tonight —- this is something that I have to talk to my doctor about because my body and mind refuse to play nice and I know my body needs the rest, but the idea of being up all night if I nap during the day is just so unappealing…

Watching Spain/Portugal in the Euro semis…lots of action, but no real scoring chances…this one is going to penalties…Spain wins, and as much as that sits well with me, I do feel that losing on penalties is about the worst result in a major tournament – they just need to play golden goal…

Back to more emails and resting…one of my other friends who happens to also be named Laurel is stopping by to see how I’m doing….great to see her as well…also been a long time, so good to catch up on life…

I’m totally spent…going to try to get some rest so that I can head to work tomorrow…

Night all…

Day 100…

6.26.12

I’d like to say good morning to you all, but unfortunately it isn’t a good morning for me.  I slept terrible and I’m not going to sugar coat any of this post – this sucks.  Easily this is the worst round yet in terms of overall just feeling like total garbage.  I hardly slept because I unfortunately napped in the afternoon after treatment and on top of that, I feel so lethargic that I find myself just staring off into space thinking about nothing.  It is a numbing feeling and it blows…

My Mom is forcing me to eat an english muffin with jelly this morning because I hardly ate last night and while I don’t enthusiastically endorse the idea of eating right now, I know that she’s right and I need to.  Also going to take a shower to see if I can wash away any of the awful feeling that I have…shower was good, but I still feel the same.  I think this will be one of those days…

Laying around on the couch, my sister has arrived and the three of us are just hanging around.  My Mom and sister are keeping busy with little things around the apartment before heading out to get some lunch.  Again, I’m not terribly hungry.  I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that my taste buds are all sorts of messed up this round and nothing really appeals to me…seeing if the idea of a cheese steak works…eating it…has little taste to me, but I know I need to eat, so I’m just slowly making my way through it…back to the couch I go…

Mom is heading back to NJ and Jordan is going to hang with me for a little…going to take a walk and get some air to see if that makes me feel better.  It is definitely good to get outside and breathe fresh air, but I’m just still so lethargic…

Jordan is getting ready to leave and my friend Rachel (well, really we just call her Dozor) happens to be in the area so she is stopping by for a bit….hanging with her and eating some dinner…good to catch up as I haven’t seen her in ages…

Walking Riley and off to bed I go…praying for a better night sleep…

Night all..

Day 99…

6.25.12

As I’m sure many of you have come to see/read, there are between 2 and 3 Mondays a month that I just dread.  Well today is one of them because it means that today is a treatment day.  While I do like this day for the simple fact that it brings me one day closer to my ultimate goal of 12 sessions that God willingly will cure me, it also brings me crashing down to earth in terms of how I feel…Meeting with my doc and he is still the same positive person that he has been for the past few months – which always instills confidence in this process…

Waiting in the chemo holding room for my name to be called and will then head on in for treatment.  Got my ol’ buddy Andrew with me today as my parents are at a funeral and Jordan has work.  Really, having Andrew with me is the same as having my family since we have literally known each other our whole lives – we’re 5 days apart and were thrown together as babies.  Defninitely comforting to have him there with me…

Chemo has started and I am IMMEDIATELY nauseous – so much so that I have to pull over a garbage can and start spitting into it.  And to think that we are just in the pre-med process of the chemo administration…chewing some gum and fighting threw it.  Still 99 days in and I haven’t thrown up.  At times, I simply think the reason is that I hate doing it so much that I give all I have to fight it….rest of the process is moving along, but as Andrew and my nurse said to me at the end – I look really pale.  This isn’t new, but it is never fun to hear it.  WIll take a few hours at least for me to get some color back in my face/body…

Back home and settled on the couch.  Andrew is thankfully pushing me to eat, so we ordered a pizza.  I have literally no appetite, which is new, but I’m going to force myself to get some sustenance in my body….hanging on the couch, Jordan has arrived and we are all just hanging…trying to fight the freight train known as ‘you need to sleep Josh’ because I know that if I do, I won’t sleep well at night…I lost – was out cold for a good hour or so…so it is…just in a total haze today and really don’t feel well…gonna do my best to fight through it…

Andrew is leaving and my Mom is on her way in for dinner and to take care of me….I’m just spent.  Easiest way to describe it is that I’m laying on my bed, no TV on and just sort of staring at the wall…They are ordering dinner and I have no appetite, but will try to eat something….not really feeling the idea of food…back to bed I go…

Hoping to make it to 10pm…

Night all…

Oh yea, score update…

Josh 8, Chemo 4

Day 98…

6.24.12

There is nothing like waking up and feeling like you actually got some decent sleep – and that is exactly how I feel this morning.  I could even say I feel refreshed :)  Up, walking the pup and then taking a shower before running a quick errand and heading back to the house as we have our friends, the Cote’s, coming over for breakfast.  I just love seeing them.  They are truly like family and it is just makes me happy to be able to spend time with them (and it’s great to know that we already have another one scheduled!)…

Doing some more work around the house and then we are off to pay our respects to the Gantman’s as they lost their matriarch over the weekend.  What a great woman – who lived a wonderful life all the way through to 99.  The funeral is on Monday, so I wanted to be able to see them and express my condolences as I will not be able to attend the funeral as I will be in treatment…really happy I was home to be there and to be able to see Kenny as flew in the night before so I got to hang with him for a bit before we left…

Having a late lunch and then back to the city we go (me, mom and pup)…great ride in, only about 30min total…getting settled back in the apartment and then off to grab dinner at a local spot with my mom…

Taking Riley on one last walk before settling in for True Blood and Newsroom…both were GREAT.  Excited about where each seem to be headed…

After tomorrow, only 4 more rounds to go!

Night all…

Day 97…

6.23.12

Saturday – usually one of my best days of any week, but today I wake up totally unrefreshed.  I slept terrible last night and am just dragging.  I ran out of my Adavan (which helps me to relax and sleep) so last night I just couldn’t get any real semblance of sleep.  Hoping to get a few temporary ones for today and tomorrow before my script is refilled on Monday so I can get some rest…

Taking Riley for her morning walk and then back home we go where I plan to drink a mountain of coffee and have some breakfast…heading to the shower and then off to take the car for it’s 25k maintenance…looks like it should be an easy maintenance and my Mom and I will kill time at a few stores while we wait (I need to get a new pair of golf shoes as my old ones are 7 years old and ripping my feet apart)….bought myself a new pair and they are very comfortable…car dealership just called to tell me that they found a problem with the front left break pad and piston and have to do a full replace which means more time and more $$$.  Can’t compromise my driving safety or that of anyone on the road so we are without a choice…

Grabbing lunch with my parents and then back at the house to try to rest for a little before going pick up the car…got the car, seems to be in good shape and I’m off to see Andrew, Robyn and their kiddos…nice to also have the added bonus of his parents as they showed up at the same time I did…hello to all!…

Back home and relaxing before Steve, Lee and Cairo head over for some dinner and good ‘ole hanging with the fellas….cooking up burgers, guac, etc. should be tasty…and it was!  Great to see all of them…wish it could be more often…

Very tired, found an Adavan…off to sleep I go…

Night all…

Day 96…

6.22.12

Hello Friday, as I say every week, it is s good to see you.  I’m not sure what you have in store for me, but lets get after it!  Feeling good again this morning and ready to get to work early for a client presentation which I hope sets the tone for a good day…

Presentation went really well (won’t lie, I had some concerns because we really pushed the thinking on this one) and the client is happy…running out to grab a big ice coffee as I didn’t have time to do so before the presentation before catching up with Erin on projects, etc., as I will be out for the better part of next week with my next round of treatment…

Friday in our office tends to mean that it’s a pizza day – I can’t complain as pizza still is one of my comfort foods in this process, even tough admittedly, I haven’t been leaning on it as much as I have been leaning on ice cream…call it a function of the weather…

I’m off to NJ for the weekend as the shower and tub are to be finished today and the fumes in the apartment from the tub refinishing are not good for anyone in any state…UGH, contractor just called, apparently the tub refinisher managed to show up with the wrong color paint.  I’m not sure how that is remotely possible considering that it is the most common bathroom color next to white.  Needless to say, I’m NOT HAPPY with him and made that known.  He said he will “make amends on the final bill”.  Regardless, this now means the tub won’t be fully finished until a week from today when I can be out of the apartment for 24hrs again.  He is going install a temporary shower rod and curtain as opposed to putting the shower doors back on to only have to take them off when they finish the tub.  The trials and tribulations of home ownership.  Life goes on…

Massive storm outside, crazy thunder, lightning and rain…will see if this holds through the end of the work day when I have to drive to NJ….cleared up a bit and off I go…AND my heart is beating a MILE a min as I sit in stopped traffic outside of Giants stadium as I kid you not, I’m pretty sure I witnessed a very loose tornado cloud whip right by us.  Sky went black, huge twisting cloud came racing towards us and then was gone. Every car was stopped.  Just not a good feeling…

Thankfully the rest of the ride home was less eventful…it poured, but that’s ok…I get to see my PUP!!!! Haven’t seen her in a week as she escaped the apartment construction and has been hangning in NJ.  She was so happy to see me, and I her….hanging with her for a little and then meeting up with Cait for dinner…which was great.  Great food and great company….there is a reason there are certain people in your life that you have and have stayed friends with for as long as you can remember…

Back home, hanging with Riley and watching TV…pretty tired…

Night all…

Day 95…

6.21.12

It’s freezing out there!?!?! Ha, not even close.  As I said yesterday, I truly feel bad for everyone that has to walk to the subway in this heat.  I feel pretty good today, slept more or less ok and am up and ready for whatever the day may bring…

Looks like it is going to be a busy day today, but I like those days.  Keeps you on your toes and makes the day go by faster…some meetings, some calls, lots of emails.. Here we go…

Mind is beginning to wander yet again as each day goes by and we are closer to the finish line…today I’m consumed with what I will do when it is over in terms of travel.  It is as if I will have a fresh start, and there are so many places that have been on my travel list that I feel like there is no better time than the oh-so-near future to start checking them off my list…right now, I’m leaning towards Argentina and Chile towards the end of the year with a obligatory Vegas celebration trip before that…

Heading home…TONS of traffic…I blame it on the heat…shower construction is taking form, and they are doing a great job…can’t wait for it to be finished…

Grabbing a quick bite with Aaron and Andrew and then home to watch the likely end of the NBA finals….man I really didn’t want the Heat to win :(

Stay cool tonight everyone…

Day 94…

6.20.12

Happy hump day y’all.  Feeling better than previous days, so the cycle seems to be in place – each day better before treatment when in the off-week.  It is incredibly hot out there, and it is another example of a day in which I don’t miss the subway as I’m happy to sit in my car in the AC and deal with traffic than walk to a hot subway.  I feel for all mass-transit riders on a day like today…

We are once again busy and people are feeling the effects of the heat.  Lots going on, people somewhat on edge, but as we always do here, people rise above it and work towards the greater good…it’s a busy afternoon, and we will have a working lunch which works for me.  In many ways, I like those because you feel like you’re doing even more…

Although I still have 5 more rounds of treatment to go, I’m starting to look towards the finish line as each day draws closer.  It is inspiring me to think about the things that I will do when this is over.  I can’t wait to get involved with LLS/TNT in a larger capacity.  I really want to use my experience as a tool for others to cope and deal with the same things that I am currently dealing with.  Paying it forward has never had such genuine meaning to me as it does now.  I’m so glad an organization like them exists.  I encourage everyone to become familiar with them via http://www.teamintraining.org/

The work day is starting to come to a close and I’m ready to get back to the apartment, see the progress on the shower (clean all the dust) and relax before hanging with Troy and Rene…always awesome to see those two.  Great friends.  Great times.  Life is and should be cherished…

Off to bed…

Night all…

Day 93…

6.19.12

Good morning all, hope you are feeling good and ready to attack the day.  I’m up and at ‘em and feeling like it is going to be a good day, so lets go get it!  Since it is Tuesday, it means a busy morning as we have our weekly status which tends to always have meetings that follow it – today is no different…

Moving along, sending out emails, getting hungry and waiting on lunch…it has arrived and it is rather good – turkey burger and fries.  I have to say, I’ve become a big fan of turkey burgers over the past year or so (and even more during my treatment), not really sure how I missed that boat all this time…

I’m pretty pleased that I’ve been feeling better this week, especially after the fatigue debacle known as last week.  I do wonder if the “statistics” of the middle rounds being your biggest dip of fatigue are now true as I’ve never felt so run down as I did last week.  It certainly took longer to rebound than the previous rounds.  Makes me a bit anxious as to what round 8 will bring…

Finishing up things at work and getting ready to head home and see what state the apartment is in after day 2 of the “fix the shower” initiative…it isn’t bad, the contractor is incredibly respectful of keeping the apartment as clean as possible, so it leaves me simple dusting and cleaning when I get home to get up the remaninder of the little they may have missed…

Meeting my friend Jaclyn who works for TNT for a walk in the park to get some exercise and enjoy the nice weather before the heat wave of tomorrow and Thursday…good walk, good company, good times…

Eating dinner, watching the Yanks, getting ready for bed…

Night all…